I was a Sugar Baby

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Although Mr Grey’s feeling is a factor in making this decision, I’ve been contemplating about quitting this “lifestyle” since my experience with Stalker SD. I know that, ultimately, my goal is to be in a healthy and happy romantic relationship. First step to achieving that is for me to stop living in the fantasy world of Sugarland and hopefully, put this experience behind me.

For most people, there is very little difference between being an Escort or a Sugar Baby. It’s definitely easier to say “fuck those judgemental people” but reality is, people will still find it difficult to understand or accept anything that isn’t the society’s norm. How many would be accepting of the fact that their partner is/was a Sugar Baby? Isn’t this the reason that most Sugar Babies hide this lifestyle from whomever they’re dating?

Statistically speaking, it’s very probable that this will be a deal breaker for the next guy I’m dating. I don’t intend to deceive him by failing to mention my past but this is the grey area where honesty is not the best policy. I don’t want him to feel like he’s one of my former SDs every time he buys me dinner or a gift. I don’t want him to think that my affection can be bought and that I’m with him primarily because he’s a good (financial) provider.

So, this is where I kill off the heroine of Melbourne Sugar.

I’d like to thank all my readers for following the rather short-lived adventures of Melbourne Sugar. I will continue to blog — under a new pseudonym and on a completely unrelated topic — because I appreciate the therapeutic effect of jotting down my thoughts.

The End.

p.s. Maybe some of you are wondering what happened to Mr Grey and I. There will never be “Us” but he still plays major roles in my life at the moment: being a friend, a mentor, and sometimes, a lover.

Random Thoughts

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You can have safer sex but there is no such thing as “safe sex”. It’s so scary that some STIs (e.g. HSV, HPV, HIV) may not show any symptoms and people could unknowingly pass on a disease. Then there’s also the risk of getting knocked up if the birth control methods failed. When I think of the risks associated with sex, it almost makes me not want to have sex ever again. *shudders*

A guy who says he’s single may not be single.. as I found out with Mr. Grey AND Ted. The only reason that I could possibly think of is that they’re trying to minimise the risk of me contacting their respective partners if things go south. The only two scenario that would ever make me angry enough to do that are: a) contracting STI from them or b) they harmed me in any way.

Always trust your intuition. A close friend went for a rendezvous with a guy she met on KIK (the messenger app) recently and was left $500 poorer. What happened was the guy went through her purse and stole her debit cards details while she was using the bathroom. She told me that just before she left her house, she had this instinct to leave her valuables, i.e. her very expensive watch and an everyday jewellery, at home. On hindsight, she should have trusted her instinct that this guy was bad news. I’m just so glad that she was not physically harmed. Hopefully she’ll be able to recover the money from the bank.

Stalker SD found Melbourne Sugar

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If anyone saw a woman crying while on the phone in the State Library this afternoon, that woman was yours truly. I called Stalker SD to confront him about the comment he left on my blog. He wasn’t content on just reading it silently, he wanted to make sure that I knew that he has read my blog. He left a comment (which I’ve yet to approve) on my “About Me” page.

This just feels like a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. He has also told me that he has my home address, which he found by searching my ABN details (I had my ABN on my freelancing ad which only had my first name) and was planning to send a card on my birthday!

My first reaction was to lock down my blog. I now realise that I don’t want to be living in fear and hiding from him! This blog is the only place where I could share my sugar experience in a way that I thought was safe and anonymous. I’ve been careful to omit any information that might lead to any POT/SD from being identified but obviously I haven’t been too careful with my own.

From what I gather from the my conversation with him, despite having read all the posts about himself, he still doesn’t think he has crossed the line from being merely curious (sure, everyone has facebook-searched an ex now and then) to obsession.

Peter, I know that you will be reading this. I’ve copied the definition of Cyberstalking from Wikipedia for you.

Cyberstalking is the use of the Internet or other electronic means to stalk or harass an individual, a group, or an organization.[1] It may include false accusations, defamation, slander and libel. It may also include monitoring, identity theft, threats, vandalism, solicitation for sex, or gathering information that may be used to threaten or harass.

Cyberstalking is often accompanied by realtime or offline stalking.[2] Both are criminal offenses.[3] Both are motivated by a desire to control, intimidate or influence a victim.[4] A stalker may be an online stranger or a person whom the target knows. He may be anonymous and solicit involvement of other people online who do not even know the target.

Cyberstalking is a criminal offense under various state anti-stalking, slander and harassment laws. A conviction can result in a restraining order, probation, or criminal penalties against the assailant, including jail.

Red Flags or Being Paranoid

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After the experience with Stalker SD, I’m a tiny bit worried that my current SD will end up getting too emotionally attached too. Maybe it doesn’t help that we had an intense start to our arrangement.

On our first POT date, my current SD shared about his experience with his former SB. He told me that he ended their arrangement because he found that he was getting too attached to her. I had a good impression of him from that story because he could detached himself from the sugar relationship. At that point, I haven’t shared with him about Stalker SD yet.

While we were going out for lunch this afternoon, he asked me if I could come away with him to Sydney for a couple of days.

“Is it because you want to have sex in front of the hotel window again?” (an inside joke – he told me he did that with a former SB while they were in Sydney).

“No, I just want to be able to walk hand in hand, stay all night with you, those sort of things.”

“Oh.” I was feeling conflicted. Although I knew I would enjoy that too, I wondered if this is red flag #1?

While he was driving me home, he suddenly asked if he could see the photo of the guy I’m seeing now (uh, which guy lol?).

“I’ll show the photo of my wife, if you do.” Red flag #2?

I’ve been thinking about his request since I got back home. He wasn’t forceful about it but I feel apprehensive about sharing my private life and also his eagerness to share his.

Do you agree that sharing too much details about our personal lives is going to blur the line between fantasy (of sugar) and reality (of life)?

Tsunamis

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Be careful about giving your heart too quickly, I was told.
Boys only have one thing on their minds, they cautioned.
I don’t know if he truly loves me — how can I be sure? I can’t say with any conviction that he won’t break my heart — but how could I have stopped him from taking what was already his?
He swept in like a tsunami, wave after wave, and I didn’t stand a chance. All those warnings, all the things they tried to prepare me for — lost in an instant — to the enormity of what I felt.
– Tsunamis, Lang Leav

Mr. Grey is back in my life. He saw my Facebook status about my final grad school exam results (I’m graduating in March!) and asked me out to celebrate on Saturday afternoon. When I met him outside of H&M at 10 minutes to 3pm, I was twenty minutes late because earlier on I was out on a date with my new SD, The Architect. Mr Grey is now Mr Tanned from his holiday in the tropics. When I was kissing his cheek, the scent of his aftershave brought back some memories of when I first met him.

After walking from one festival to another in the CBD, we spent the rest of the afternoon at a rooftop bar drinking ciders and the evening, eating Chinese dumplings. There was so much sexual tension going on while we were chatting about random things, from our new year resolutions to his experience going to tanning salon in his early twenties to an event that I found on Fetlife that I’m planning on going.

We were sitting side by side, I could feel electricity going through my body when my left knee was touching his thigh, our bodies facing each other, and our lips were just inches apart. I really wanted to kiss him but now and then I remembered what happened last December. When he was telling me stories from his travels he talked about his girlfriend a few times but he always referred to her as “the person I was travelling with”. Being the spineless person that I am – ugh I hate myself sometimes –  I never did ask him why he didn’t tell me the truth before.

After dinner, he walked me to Melbourne Central station and we went our separate ways. On the way home, all I was thinking about was how much I want him. At the same time, I realise there is no way that I can contain my feelings inside the FWB box. He swept in like a tsunami, wave after wave, and I didn’t stand a chance.

Being A Bitch

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I’m supposed to meet a POT tomorrow evening for a date and so I texted him earlier today to ask him what is he giving me tomorrow. He then called me unreasonable, greedy, and annoying because I’m not content on getting $150 for spending the evening with him (dinner, drinks, and sex).

What annoys me the most is that I don’t feel I’m springing my expectation on him. When I had a profile on SA, I made it clear that I wanted very specific things to be paid for. Why contact me when my expectation is different from yours because you’re wasting both of our time. I don’t know what is your exact financial situation.

If being a bitch means standing on my ground because I’m not getting what I want, then I rather stay at home and work on my business. It’s not mutually beneficial for me.

Exploring kinks and fetishes

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Recently, I registered and set up a profile on FetLife, which is being marketed as a Facebook for kinksters. My first two “friends” on FL are actually people I met through SA but haven’t met in real life yet. There are some kinky SD on SA.

I guess since I’m no longer on SA, I’m going to explore other experiences. I might be going to a rope meet up later this month. That will be an eye-opener. I’m really interested in learning the art of Shibari, which is Japanese rope bondage.

I haven’t actually quit sugaring yet. I met up with a POT whom I’ve been in contact since early December for coffee yesterday and Ted on Tuesday for movie, lunch, and shopping. We (finally!!!) kissed and that’s about it. I guess I’m just not used to men who takes things slow. A POT from Sydney wants to meet up next week when he’s in town. Oh, that reminds me… I need to email another POT now.